I found myself in a difficult place. Recently, I found myself suffering from the misfortune of being single all the time.
And I’ll admit, it’s all my fault.
I discovered this the other night when I was wide awake and having an existential crisis. I pondered the age-old question, “Why am I still single?”. and I followed it up with a deep Google search and found the answer at about 3:15 a.m.
Frankly, it would appear that I am alone in my addiction to NRE.
What the hell is NRE, you ask? It means “the energy of a new relationship.” It’s that intense desire and passion at the beginning of a relationship, and it’s honestly the bee’s way!
It would seem that I am alone because of my addiction to NRE, writes Jana
It’s that thrill you get when he first starts texting you. It’s a rush when you share your fist. This is the first couple of magical dates. It’s the aura after the glow after you’ve finally made love. It’s butterflies and all that jazz.
It’s exciting, new, and mysterious.
But unfortunately, what goes up must come down. And if I’m being completely honest, as soon as things start to feel comfortable and my guy falls off the pedestal, I unfairly put him on top of my list. Yes, NRE is a cruel beast.
Through my own personal research, I’ve learned that this usually happens after about three months, and believe it or not, it’s incredibly common among women in their 30s. Seriously, science backs me up, but we’ll get to that later.
You see, in between dating a guy who was completely emotionally unavailable (which turns out to be perfect for someone addicted to NREs), I met a guy who really ticked all the boxes. He was a driven business owner, thoughtful, and interesting, and I was very attracted to him. We went on great dates, and he even met my friends (which I’m so sad about), but one morning I woke up to his big, beautiful smile and immediately wanted him out.
If I’m being completely honest, as soon as things start to feel comfortable and my boyfriend falls off the pedestal, I unfairly put him on top of my interest, she says.
He offered breakfast, which any girl who dates boys knows is a pretty sweet gesture. But I longed to get my bed back. I wanted a quiet morning with the dog and coffee.
Here was a guy who offered me the friendship I so desperately wanted, and I couldn’t get him out of my apartment fast enough. He literally said, “Yes, I love you, and I’m willing to invest in this.” So why did I reject him? Even while writing the text “It’s not you, it’s me,” I was thinking deep inside that “you will regret this, Jana.”.
That’s because I no longer had that NRE energy, and it turns out it’s incredibly addictive. The thought of never having another first kiss again makes me cringe. In fact, our bodies are scientifically designed to perform to their full potential.
It turns out that when we experience NRE, our bodies are flooded with the feel-good chemicals dopamine, oxytocin, and vasopressin. All three make a potent cocktail of pure joy.
However, like all pleasant things, NREs have a side effect, and in this case, it is called anxiety. Yes, NREs make your body flood with anxiety and pleasure; that’s why you get that intense feeling when it’s happening to you.
It turns out that when we experience NRE, our bodies are flooded with the feel-good chemicals dopamine, oxytocin, and vasopressin. All three make a potent cocktail of pure joy
That’s why so many of us bounce from one relationship to another—we’re all just looking for that next big, amazing dopamine hit and can’t seem to get it back.
But someone like me, who has been on the dating roller coaster for too long, eventually has to stop the ride and get off.
At 38 years old, that time has come a long way. I’m ready to settle down and I really like the idea of ​​finding my “forever person” (I know, yuck, but it’s the only saying that really stuck.) So how do I stop jumping ship when the NRE starts to wear off?
Fortunately, this is not all that will happen, as many long-term relationships believe.
So maybe we’re not all commitment-phobes. Maybe we’re all just addicted to “new “relationship energy”? There is much to ponder and hopefully conquer. With Dopamine Dating! (No matter how fun it is.)
My slightly scary but very wonderful French therapist has some great tips and tricks.
1. When I feel like my relationship is losing its honeymoon spark and I find that my dopamine, serotonin, and endorphins are waning, instead of calling it all off, I should go a little slower.
2. When I feel the need to run, I should practice centering techniques such as grounding in nature and deep breathing. I don’t have to believe every thought that says ‘undo’; I just have to feel it and then let it go.
3. If I’m worried about being stuck in a boring relationship, I should have a date night that gets the endorphins going. Instead of a quiet night in with a movie and pizza, go rock climbing. I can recapture that NDE rush of constantly finding new fun things to do with my partner. Mix a little.
4. Give yourself time to miss them. So instead of meeting them several times a week, just put one date in your diary and actively look forward to it.
So maybe we’re not all commitment-phobes. Maybe we’re all just addicted to “new “relationship energy”? There is much to ponder and hopefully conquer. With Dopamine Dating! (No matter how fun it is.).